This depression is clinging to every fibre of my core. Destroying me day by day. Robbing me of any good that I could possibly see in myself. Darkness descends, causing rot and decay, leaving behind broken trails of what once was.
I spoke to my boss today. She is not willing to consider having me there part time, she assured me my job isn’t in jeopardy and said we would reassess at the end of January. I am on the supply list for now, the main supply staff filling my role. I can’t go back full time. I know this. I am tired….exhausted to the very marrow in my bones.
I trained for 2 years to become an ECE, teacher to the very young. Only to work two years before feeling like I can’t…possibly…continue. Where does that leave me? I feel like a failure. Pathetic and incapable. The prospect of job searching looming, smothering me.
It will be the 20th of January before I can see a psychiatrist, which is better than the original appointment date of the 27th. Ages. Impossibly long. How do I hold on that long?